A Christmas Journal Entry

So it’s Christmas Day, and I am in Barcelona, Spain. The reality of that sentence is so incredible to me. God is just so good to me, His child, and I am brought to tears at the very thought of His love for me and how He shows it to me daily.

I’ve been sitting in Starbucks for about the past hour, drinking Dark Cherry Mocha
(because I’m not allergic to coffee anymore…praise the Lord for His goodness in even small things!), listening to Christmas music play in the background, and reading my Bible. (After being without a coffee shop for four months, Starbucks is a welcome setting!)

I’m reading 2 Corinthians, and it has never come so alive to me before today. It is so darn good. I feel like Paul’s words to the Corinthian believers fit my ministry to a T (whatever that expression really means, I don’t even know). It is so fitting for my ministry back home at FCCT, to my ministry coming up on outreach, and for my entire future as I imagine God to use me. The prophet in Paul really comes out in this letter. He is stern in His words. But because I can relate to where Paul is coming from, I can understand the love behind it. There is just so much truth there, and it’s just so good!

I leave for Asia in 11 days. The closer it gets, the more it becomes real. I didn’t
have fear or anxiety much early on because I couldn’t really grasp the reality of what I am about to embark on. But as it is just around the corner, it is sinking in. Not only will I be in two foreign countries (very foreign countries), but I am the leader, I am in charge. I have never done this before. Why me, God? Why did You choose me? I’m tiny and weak… just look at me! Why do You have confidence in me? What is it You see in me that you would bring me to a position of leadership for this time?

It is starting to hit me that God will be my only strength, my only source of need
during this outreach. I have no one else to turn to, no shoulder to lean on, no one to be guided by… just Him. And as I set aside the fear of that, I can see the beauty in it. God set this up purely to draw me closer to Him. Because He loves me, and He believes in me, and He desires to be with me.

As I was reflecting on the depths of this, Cory Asbury’s song “You Are My Hope”
came to my mind, so I pulled out my iPod and listened to it. This will officially be “my song” for this next phase of my life, for the 10 weeks I am in Asia.


To You, O Lord, who lifts my soul, My God, in whom I trust
Let me not be ashamed
‘Cause only You can deliver me from the hands of my strong enemies
Let me not be ashamed
‘Cause no one who waits on the Lord will ever be put to shame

‘Cause…
You are, You are my hope
You are, You are my song
You are, You are my light
You are my salvation

All my hope’s in You, my Strength, my Song



Lord, You are my hope. You are my strength. You are all I need. I don’t know why
you have called me to lead, Father. But I trust that you trust in me, and so surely You will raise me up.